What a small world. Yet its not a simple task to get to know much people. get to know them in the truest way.

i want to stop pretending and faking my attitude towards you, Right Now. My patience is running thin. Will it be possible?

georgehu92:

Relationships don’t work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won’t they? And then they finally do, and they’re happy forever. Gimme a break.

Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get…

damn its been a long time tumblr.

It’s approx. 4:30am right now. technically saturday.. just talked with one of my long forgotten friend back from the island.

some people are really going through deep shit in their lives.. shit that will make my hardships look like nothing. idk how one can hide such stress from the burdens. its just incredible. it made me really ashamed of myself.. how the smallest thing will disappoint and discourage me, knock me off course. 

i should really be more thankful of what i have. hardworking mother, stable income, this nice ass dorm room in middle of east village and hyejung.

gotta open up my mind&heart to those around me and really care about them. let my emotions feel the lights&sounds around me.

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me

I wonder if she knows..

that im not too flattered about her

that im not singing these songs for her

that im not playing this game for a purpose or a reason

I wonder if these things will change sometime in the future.

one thing I’m truly not looking forward to in college:

Waking up early in the morning and dragging my ass to class.

My family consists of me and my mom. She works hard for my well being. She relies on me and I rely on her in life but things get really rough at times that it gets really fucking depressing. Apparently her hospital isn’t doing well & she blew alot of money via stock market. She’s always been sensitive and pessimistic but now im truly convinced that she is in a real deep state of depression and whole bunch of other deep mental shits like bipolarism. I’ve doubted that she’s mentally depressed(i mean severely) severals times before because i thought all parents were critical and pessimistic about their children. But when i asked her “mom do you have depression?” i saw her eyes trembling, trembling as if her iris had gotten a seizure. She said theres no hope nor joy in life and how her life is just a big pile of shit. She thinks im a failure for going to NYU and not to HARVARD. She thinks she blew all her money and efforts to raise me because I’m just not good enough.

I do admit, I am abnormal in my own way. The way I think about certain things, the way I present myself infront of others, the way I TALK, the way I..

Hey, I want to change too. I dont want to fucking curse, I dont want to be mad all the fucking time. I think im becoming more and more like my mom as days go by. I fucking hate it. I dont want to be pessimistic. As much as I appreciate all the things she’s done for me, last thing I would ever want to become is her.

I really hate it when she says all these things and gets my self-confidence down. It affects me not just in this shit but in all other shit. It degrades my self value to the immeasurable degree. I feel humiliated. Everything I’ve felt so proud of achieving just disappears everytime me and her have this shit session.

Honestly I would love to beat the shit out of her. Yea, beat the fuck out of my own mom who works so hard for me but also tortures the shit out of my self value. I want to get rid of this constant anger and I told her that our relationship has to change to set things right.

It’s really hard though. To know that one of the only person you can rely on even at the end of the world is breaking down.

idk if God exists or not. But if he does, I wonder why he would make her life so damn miserable? why? Why make her life affect the shit out of me? why?

The land in the far east where insecure plastic-surgery-ridden bitches roam the streets, 20+ level apartments dominate the skyline, pedestrians are abused by reckless drivers, feminine features are revered in guys, thick black rimmed glasses rest on people’s noses, girls would kill their mothers for gucci bags&channel purses, mcdonald delivers, subways&public transportation are top-notch, height matters hell a lot more than how jacked a guy is, drinking age is only 18, streets are filled with hyundais and audis.

That’s where I am.

Damn its been awhile since i updated this damn thing cuz i was having too much fun.

I actually wanted this high school to end asap. I wanted to escape from Staten Island and start a new course in life. not because i “hate” it here (well it does have its disadvantages) but because i wanted a change in my routine like how you get tired of sunny days and you long for a cool shower.

I reminisced about the past 4 years. I met dozens of people, became really good friends with some, drifted away from few, and lost two. No matter what though, they all are memories and experiences that had shed some light onto my dim miniscule understanding of life.

I really wish i had met some of these koolkats earlier and had spent more time with them. Just when i started to figure out things and people, we graduate. I better speed up my shit in college.

One most important thing high school has taught me was that you really can’t label people and that everyone has their own shits and priorities. This might seem like very obvious ass shit but we tend to forget about it in our busy&hectic daily lives. I became very intrigued by some people and their ways of thinking. Each motherfucker has their own set of problems, the way they shadow them, and their own insecurities&stories. It will be an epic accomplishment if i even got to know 5 people heart to heart throughout my life.

Only people I will actually miss are the ones that are so fucking unique that I wont beable to find any other replacement for them at nyu. Kelvin Cheung, he is one of them. I knew him since middle school. This guy is one of a kind. Damn. He gave me lots of laughters and moments to remember. He saw me in my various stages to some degree. And sometimes he would even add some brutally honest comments about things. It was epic man. I won’t bid farewell though, because we ARE going to see each other again. No doubt.

There were some people who I really wanted to get to know but sometimes it doesn’t work as well as you’ve intended.

I dislike how girls calling me cute&shit dont even get me delighted anymore.

One good thing about tech was that it really didn’t have THAT much drama. whew~ thank God.

Music has always been with me. It’s my best friend. It never betrays you nor undermines to fuck you over (besides those 1 or 2 songs on your ipod that have incredibly loud volume and shocks the shit out of you). I will pursue after you forever love. hahaha.

Seoul, here I comeeeeeeeeeeee lets have some funnnnnnnnnnnnn